Learning to Trust Yourself Again After Divorce

In addition to all the other hard things that divorce presents, divorce can leave you second-guessing everything, especially your own judgment. Your trust may have been broken in your marriage for a variety of reasons—betrayal, dishonesty, gaslighting, or simply unmet expectations—and it can leave you wondering if you can trust yourself again and how to do it. The good news is that you absolutely can!  Here’s how to start that journey.

Acknowledge the Pain and Get Curious About Your Doubts

It’s completely normal to feel grief, anger, and self-doubt after a divorce. It’s important to allow yourself to feel and acknowledge that pain, but don’t dwell in it.  You might replay things in your mind, wondering if you missed the signs or made the wrong choices. Instead of being hard on yourself up, take a step back. Ask yourself: Where is this doubt coming from? Were there red flags you ignored? Did someone manipulate your perception of reality? Once you recognize the root of your self-doubt, you can start to heal from it. As you think of answers, consider writing them down along with a reply to yourself with a positive affirmation to help reframe your thoughts about yourself

Reconnect With Your Gut and Start Small

When you’re in a marriage—especially a difficult one—you might silence your inner voice to keep the peace. Now’s the time to tune back in. Pay attention to what your instincts tell you. Try journaling, meditating, or just giving yourself quiet moments to reflect. And don’t be afraid to start small—what to eat, how to spend your day, or setting personal goals. There are decisions you make every day…start writing them down to see your successes in black and white so that you don’t take them for granted.  Each decision you make for yourself builds confidence and reminds you that your judgment is still strong.

Set Boundaries and Learn from the Past

Part of trusting yourself is protecting yourself. That means setting clear boundaries—whether it’s saying no when something doesn’t feel right or distancing yourself from toxic people. At the same time, look at your past without judgment. What lessons can you take with you? The goal isn’t to dwell on regret—it’s to grow from it so you can make better, more aligned choices in the future.  Using those lessons, write down new boundaries for yourself and practice honoring them.  Again, start small.  It could be something as simple as letting someone know that a meal out doesn’t fit into your budget at this time or asking people to knock before walking into your bedroom, bathroom, or office.  Boundaries are a great way to assess who the people are who genuinely respect you and want the best for you.

Lean on Support and Try New Things

Rebuilding trust in yourself doesn’t mean going it alone. Surround yourself with people who lift you up—friends, family, a coach—anyone who reminds you of your strength.  These will also be the people who respect your boundaries while also having boundaries of their own. (I find that people without boundaries are less likely to respect another person’s boundaries.) And don’t be afraid to step outside your comfort zone. Try new things, travel, or pick up a hobby you’ve always wanted to explore. Every time you push yourself a little, you prove that you are capable, adaptable, and stronger than you think. With hobbies, no one else needs to see it, so go ahead and try no matter how it turns out!  And travel can start quite small, like a walk in a new park that you know is safe or visiting a shop you’ve been curious about.

Forgive Yourself and Keep Moving Forward

If you’re holding onto guilt or regret, it’s time to let it go. You did the best you could with what you knew at the time. Self-trust grows when you stop punishing yourself for the past and start believing in the choices you’ll make moving forward. Give yourself permission to grow, learn, and embrace this new chapter with confidence.  This is obviously easier said than done.  If you find that you genuinely are frozen and unable to forgive yourself, please reach out to a licensed therapist who can help you process the past.  A life coach is an option for focusing on the present and future goals to move forward.

You’ve Got This!

Divorce isn’t the end of your ability to make good decisions—it’s actually an opportunity to rediscover your own strength. Trusting yourself again takes time, but with patience and self-compassion, you can rebuild confidence and create a life that truly reflects who you are. You can do it.

If you’re looking for guidance and support as you navigate life after divorce, I’d love to help. As a divorce coach, I provide personalized coaching to help you rebuild self-trust, gain clarity, and move forward with confidence.  Let’s connect—reach out today for a free consultation and take the next step in your healing journey.